it’s a dull buzz of terror..
I try to ignore it but in the silent moments it creeps back up.
this thesis is the end.
but I also have no idea what I’m doing.
I am ready for the end, but what if I fail?
photography is so intuitive for me.. I had/have teachers that have souls.. a tight-knit group who care about me and push me to strive for my best. those people are still around, but they aren’t really.. and I suck at asking for help, from anybody. much less a teacher I’VE NEVER HAD.
BUT - FUCK ME IF I DON’T JUST GET THIS SHIT DONE IN THE END AND PASS. that’s all I really ask. That’s all I need. I wanted an A, because i was spoiled by the other thesis, but at this point just pass…
this design process is so backwards. I just want to spit something up and have it work. I know that isn’t even the process with photography..
and I’m looking out the window listening to jimmy eat world.. on another note - I wish there were a really successful radio system where you can put in an exact feeling and have it give you songs. this jimmy eat world feeling is like ‘it’s almost sunset during summertime in the late 90’s, golden sunset, and dinner is cooking and I live in the house from dawsons creek, there’s a fucking trellis and i’m just laying on my bed thinking about going to a lake for a bonfire for the night? and the other siblings are getting home from some sports practice?’
why can’t there be a radio where I PUT THAT info in and get more music like it?!?! c’mon technology, step it up.
also this is completely fabricated I have no siblings and do not llive in the dawsons creek house..
then again, that’s an escape.
I need to focus. I don’t know what I’m doing and when I think about it too hard I just want to cry. fuck.
OH ALSO IN THIS FAKE UNIVERSE I CREATED
everyone drinks coke and eats pizza but never gets fat
it’s a good time.
I have the sudden urge to purchase lisa frank sticker packets and put the stickers all over my belongings.. but I know that’s an idea of delirium and probably should not be played out.
game of thrones then pass out zones.
I think my kidney may fall out though.
also I need to make music asap.